My greatest marker of healing may be accepting my body despite some extra pounds. Celebrating even :)

When I Gain Weight

Thank you Kerry Gold butter
and Barbara’s jalapeño cheese puffs,
sea salt caramel chocolate (milk and dark)
a phase of fresh flour tortillas
grilled hot with oil
a hurt knee that insists I do not run.

Thank you for joining
me to my sisters and brothers
who have love handles, muffin tops,
saddle bags and swaddling,
to their double chins
substitute teacher arms
raising triple lattes.

I am untucking my shirt,
wearing all black, into accessories
like handbags and shoes,
buying the bigger truck,
spending extra time on hair and make-up.
I am testing to see if you love me for my personality.
I am my uncle with a paunch
requesting a second basket of bread,
a husky date drinking pina coladas
instead of tonic water and gin.
I am out of control, I am afraid,
I am unworthy, I am not reflected,
not seen.

Ode to you extra pounds,
humility and ground
mid-life mid-wifing
I won’t steal your husband
in my skinny jeans
won’t compete with my skinny daughters.

Blessings to abundance,
gratitude for getting to cut back,
I could survive a month on my middle,
a famine with my wiggle,
bubble wrap, protection from cats and calls.
At that certain age having to choose face over body,
smooth skin over booty
adipose disposed,
estrogen factory.
Could someone open a window,
all ways warm.

I am sleek as a seal,
I am fun to hug,
I am more to love,
I am a hot press.
I am the soft place to land,
I understand.